Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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