I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
