Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
