Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
