I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
