Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
