they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Two words: blizzard sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
