You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just tell him i said nine months
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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