Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
50% drunk capacity currently
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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