I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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