I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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