$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
