So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
