Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
