Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
