Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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