i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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