this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
