the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
COCAINE IS GR8
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
