I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
