you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
