What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
