I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he's single and there are thong briefs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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