He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
