Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
