I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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