You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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