I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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