Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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