I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
