so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
