I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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