I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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