Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
