Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
