One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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