I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so much tequila, so little girl.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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