So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
