yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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