did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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