you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
