is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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