she looked like the before picture.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
