yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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