she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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