For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
