So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
