You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
