She is in my trunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
