I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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