you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
COCAINE IS GR8
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
