Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
