My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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