Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
