it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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