Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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