I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
