Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
