I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
