I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
