I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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