sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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